The Conversations Couples Avoid—and How They Hurt Marriages

Why Do Couples Avoid Certain Conversations?

There are conversations most couples know they should have but quietly hope to avoid. Topics like money, intimacy, unmet expectations, faith, past wounds, parenting differences, blended family dynamics, or emotional needs often sit beneath the surface.

They don’t disappear; they wait. And over time, what goes unspoken can slowly pull couples apart.

So why do loving couples who genuinely want a strong marriage avoid these conversations?

1. Fear of Conflict

Many couples avoid hard conversations because they associate them with arguments, raised voices, or emotional distance. If previous attempts ended poorly, the brain learns to protect itself by avoiding the topic altogether.

But avoiding conflict doesn’t create peace; it creates pressure. Healthy marriages aren’t conflict-free; they’re conflict-capable. Growth happens when couples learn how to disagree with respect and resolve with love.

2. Fear of Hurting Each Other

Some spouses stay silent because they don’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings or feel responsible for causing pain. They tell themselves, “It’s not worth bringing up,” or “I’ll just deal with it.”

The problem? Unspoken hurts don’t disappear. They quietly turn into resentment, emotional withdrawal, or passive frustration. Honest conversations, when done with kindness and love, protect intimacy rather than threaten it.

3. Fear of Being Misunderstood

Couples often avoid conversations because they don’t feel confident that their partner will truly hear them. Past experiences of being dismissed, minimized, or misunderstood can make vulnerability feel unsafe.

When a spouse feels unheard, silence feels safer than speaking. Rebuilding trust starts with listening to understand—not to defend.

4. Fear of Change

Some conversations require action. Talking about money and finances may mean budgeting. Discussing intimacy may reveal unmet needs. Addressing boundaries may require saying no to others.

Change is constant and often feels overwhelming, especially if one partner worries that the conversation will disrupt the comfort of “how things are.” But avoiding change usually leads to stagnation, while courageous conversations lead to growth.

5. Lack of Tools

Many couples were never taught how to have difficult conversations. They love each other but lack the language, timing, or emotional skills to navigate sensitive topics well.

Without tools, conversations can feel risky. With guidance, structure, and faith-centered principles, couples can learn to communicate with clarity, empathy, and confidence.

6. Faith Misunderstandings

In faith-based marriages, some couples mistakenly believe that bringing up struggles reflects a lack of faith. They assume that prayer alone should fix everything.

Faith, however, invites honesty. Scripture reminds us to speak the truth in love, not suppress it. Prayer and conversation work best together. “Faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.” (James 2:17)

What Happens When Conversations Are Avoided?

The worst type of conflict management is avoidance. It is one of the strategies in which one or both parties try to avoid conflict. This generally happens when one or both parties realize there is no benefit to fighting.

When couples avoid meaningful conversations, emotional distance grows. Minor issues become big ones. Assumptions replace understanding. Connection weakens not because love is gone, but because communication is missing.

Avoidance doesn’t protect marriage—it slowly erodes it.

Choosing Courage Over Comfort

Strong marriages are built by couples who choose courage over comfort. They lean into uncomfortable conversations with humility, grace, and commitment. They don’t aim for perfection; they aim for understanding.

If you and your spouse have been avoiding specific conversations, you’re not failing; you’re human. The invitation is simply to take the next step.

Start small. Choose the right moment. Speak with love. Listen with intention. And remember: the conversation you’re avoiding may be the very one that brings you closer.

At My Spouse Is My Best Friend, we believe honest conversations strengthen friendship, deepen intimacy, and honor the covenant of marriage. You don’t have to navigate them alone.

Ready to grow together? Join our Lovebirds Community for faith-filled encouragement, conversation starters, and tools to help your marriage thrive—not just survive.

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