How Do I Change My Spouse?

Ah yes, the age-old question: “How do I change my spouse?” If you’ve ever tried, you already know—it’s like trying to get Wi-Fi in the wilderness. You might think you’re close, but nope… signal lost.

We all have our moments of thinking, “If they would just stop doing that one thing, everything would be perfect.” Spoiler alert: they’re probably thinking the same thing about you.

Here’s the truth bomb: you can’t change your spouse. (I know, ouch.) But you can influence them—just not by nagging, sighing loudly, or giving the silent treatment that’s louder than a marching band.

Real change starts with you. Your attitude, your tone, your patience, your choice to laugh instead of lecture. Funny thing is, when you start changing how you respond, your spouse often changes too… without the sermon.

So next time you feel the urge to fix them, try this instead:

1. Take a deep breath.

2. Whisper, “Jesus, take the wheel.”

3. Remember, you married a person, not a project.

And hey, if they still forget to take out the trash—at least you’ll have something to joke about in your next couples’ group.

Pro tip:The only person you can truly change is the one staring back in the mirror. But the moment you stop trying to “fix” your spouse and start loving them, you might be surprised how much changes on its own.

Reflection Questions:

1. What areas of your spouse do you most wish would change?

2. What would it look like to release that desire to God in prayer instead of trying to manage it yourself?

3. How can you focus on becoming the kind of spouse who inspires change by example?